Filters...

I'm a firm believer that people, like water faucets, should come with an automatic filter. One with  more instant filtering against the spewing of verbal stupidity than one's conscience provides. We have all misspoken at various times and unintentionally had something come out we didn't intend. This isn't due to ignorance or thoughtlessness Minor slip-ups are things like saying, "She's adorable" to a baby dressed in an outfit reading "Mommy's Little Boy".

The filters I'm talking about would eliminate remarks like the following. Remarks made without much thought that generally lead to upsetting someone unintentionally:

1. I'm sorry about your _______. At least they're in heaven now.Them being in heaven is not something to say "at least" about. A loved one being in heaven is a glorious, wonderful thing. Twenty four hours after the death of a close loved one, knowing that they're in heaven isn't as comforting as hearing that loved one's voice again. Or hugging them one last time. In time those words are comforting, but sometimes just leaving it at "I'm sorry for your loss. We are praying for you." is a much better way to go. Scratch that.... if you're not sure what to say, "I'm sorry for your loss. We are praying for you." is the perfect thing to say. In fact, "We are praying for you." can be said at any point and be completely comforting and appropriate.


2. Wow. You look tired."
If these words come to mind, just say "OH MY. YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP."

3."When are you guys going to have another baby? You need to try for a girl!"First, how do you know they're NOT trying? If they are (and there were times we heard this and were trying without success) all that saying things like this does is make couples even more emotional and sad about the fact that they haven't peed on a stick and seen a plus sign. Second, why do we NEED to try for a specific gender? Are they saying if you had a house full of boys you're not legit until you have a girl?

4. "You do Natural Family Planning? What?!"
Don't ask if you don't want to know what it is. Don't look at us like we're crazy when we explain it to you. Don't say things like "What happened" when you find out we are expecting after we've told you that NFP is 99% effective in pregnancy achievement/avoidance. 'What happened' is that we made a decision together, as husband and wife, to try to get pregnant.

5."You're PREGNANT? How did that happen?"Really.... You're over the age of 13. You have children close to age 13. Does someone need to explain to you how it happens? If so, we have bigger problems than your lack of filter. Next time just say "Congratulations".


6. "You're expecting! Were you guys trying for a girl?"
No, we weren't. We were trying for a baby. In all honesty with our second one we read the book "How to Choose the Gender of Your Baby". We tried it. It didn't work. This time around we were trying for a baby. We were trying for a sibling for kids #1 & #2. We were trying for another member of our family. Should there be a #4 or #5 or #11 I assure you every time from here on out we will be trying for whatever baby God feels is the perfect fit for our family.

7. "I hope it's a girl." "I hope it's a boy." "I REALLY hope it's a girl." "I REALLY hope it's a boy."All this does to a couple expecting their child is make them realize that it really matters to you what they're having. Saying this puts the thought in the back of the mind of the parents to be: "Now we know that if the baby that we have is born a different gender from that which you REALLY hope we have, you're going to be slightly disappointed.... just the teensiest bit less enthused about the new arrival than you would have been if it were what you had REALLY hoped for." Guess what, babies aren't a Christmas letter to Santa. You don't get to say what you really want, keep that to yourself. Really. Keep it to yourself. Just tell Mom & Dad that you REALLY REALLY can't wait to meet their newest blessing. That you REALLY REALLY hope that the pregnancy, birth and baby progress smoothly and that the end result is a perfect child of God. That's all mom & dad want to know or worry about.

8. So is this your last one? That's up to God. Really. It is. Ask the couples you know who have had more children after their tubes were tied, or a vasectomy was had or the doctors told them they couldn't have any more children. God's a hell of a lot smarter than any physician or medical procedure. He's God. He's cool like that.

9. Wow! You're going to have your hands full!
Guess what... we all have our hands full. We're all busy. Our lives are all hectic and crazy. There's never enough hours in the day. NEVER. With another child in the house our hands will be full of countless more blessings. We're going to be even busier making more memories. Once you're already crazy, what's a little more crazy? We just think of it as the sprinkles on top!

10. Anything about how not sick or not miserable you were during pregnancy to a woman whose ribs, abdomen and body hurts from throwing up every day for 4.5 weeks. A woman who has thrown up 18/18 months of pregnancy with her first two children. I cannot be held liable if: I lash out against you; consider running you over while driving my van and balancing a puke bucket on my lap; or throw up on you out of spite. I am glad that most women don't hate being pregnant. I am eternally grateful that not every woman has to go through this. If they did, those pushing for zero population growth would certainly have their way. Also, please, do not remind someone after they have been puking for several hours "You asked for it."

I'm sure I could consider installing a filter before blogging, but then I'd have to take the filter over my mouth off, and we all just saw how THAT can work out.