The End is Near

The light at the end of the tunnel should be coming into view any time now. I must admit that while in some ways I feel as though I've been pregnant forever, in other ways it doesn't seem quite right that I'll be meeting my new son in just a matter of _____. (minutes, hours, days, weeks)

I'm disappointed in myself about a couple of things. One is my complete and utter disdain for pregnancy. There are those who like it. Those who love it. Those who don't mind it. Then there's me: One who doesn't like it, doesn't love it and really does "mind" it. I feel at times that it has crept up on me what a miracle this little vomit inducing, "parasite" is. I've spent so much of my pregnancy sick, uncomfortable, frustrated, or overwhelmed, that I haven't spent much time reflecting on the fact that our family is growing. Our family is changing. We've been blessed with a little miracle, a new life, and it's all in accordance to His plan for us.
Tate, I'm sorry little buddy, for not appreciating your kicks and movements as signs of you being happy and healthy playing in there. I'm sorry for getting frustrated that each kick made me feel more nauseous. I'm sorry that I didn't smile more throughout this journey. I have been somewhat of a Debbie Downer, and I realize the toll it must have taken on my family, friends, husband and son. I'm sorry for the "freak outs" and meltdowns. I feel selfish that I let my own discomfort interefere with seeing the miracle taking place in our lives.

I hope my boys, all three of them, realize how much I do love each and every one of them. Gabe I love in ways completely inexplicable to the rest of the world. He strengthens me. He believes in me. He loves and supports me. He's amazing. He is my best friend and loving someone more seems unfathomable. Connor, I love in even more inexplicable ways. I'm so sorry, my son, for the short fuse I've had these last few months, but everyday- good behavior or bad- you've been sweet, cuddly and loving. In between both of our temper tantrums, we've shared so many laughs and cuddles and moments. You are the greatest thing to happen to me, and I wonder how little man Tate will compare. As for Tate, Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you…” When we decided to "try" for another baby I had various hopes, dreams, fantasies, expectations.... As it hits me that at any point you could be in my arms, I realize that just having you happy and healthy is what is important. I love you, my little Tot, and cannot wait to meet you.
The other night after getting out of the shower, I was getting dressed and looked in the mirror at my expanding pregnant belly. I turned to Gabe and said, "We're going to have a baby soon." with a large smile across my face. I tear up and smile when I think about his response... "Yes, we are." (Insert glowing smile from "the dad").