During My Workout

I've been doing the 30 Day Death Shred for the past few weeks. Admittedly, I've not worked out every single day, partially because we've been quite busy of late. But I've done about 14 days or so of workouts. Everyday I swear to myself that Jillian is an evil vile human being. Over heard during today's workout:

Connor: "Mommy, do you feel like you're going to die?"

Me: "Yes."

Connor: "Good Job Mommy."

life for the past month

Life for the past month has been busy! Enjoy pictures!

Happy First Birthday Tate

I can hardly believe that last Friday Tate turned ONE! He's a one year old now! We had planned on taking our little monkey man to the zoo to celebrate his birthday, but since mother nature was attempting to kill us all with 90+ degree days, we decided to stay at the house and just spend some time with our dear friends from Clarksville! We had a wonderful day and it was SO GREAT to spend the day with our friends that we love so much (and that love our kids so much).

Hugs and kisses from his Godmother!

To see all of the pictures you can go here.

Mommy Fail

I started the morning out feeling fairly well about things. Gabe had to be at work at 6, I was up at 5:30. The coffee pot was programmed and brewing when I opened my eyes. The boys slept semi-late. (Tate until 6:30; Connor until 7:15). Connor has Vacation Bible School this week at St. Rose so he'll be kept busy all week long, and I get some one and one on one time with Tate!

While driving to VBS Connor said from the backseat "I hope I make friends at VBS. I don't have any friends in Murfreesboro. I wish we didn't move."

As tears ran down my face beneath my sunglasses all I could say was, "I'm sorry honey. I know you miss your friends. I miss my friends too." It just made everything inside me hurt.


I dropped him off feeling certain he would have fun and meet friends and enjoy the day. Connor has always been the quick to adjust kind. His first day of preschool, after having only had a babysitter 6 or 7 times (at age 3) he said, "Mommy, you can go now" as I choked back tears. I knew when I returned today he would be beaming ear to ear like he was is first day of preschool. I knew he'd be crying because it was time to go home.

When he saw me at pickup, however, he had tears, they just weren't tears of not wanting to go home. He was just sad. He walked up and tears just streamed down his cheeks. He said he was sad he didn't get to go on the playground. Mommy instincts are telling me it's more than that. When everyone sang and danced to the new songs they learned, Connor stood in one place. Not smiling. Not moving. Not saying the words. He didn't say the bible verse. He just stood looking so sad. Certainly this isn't just over a playground! He didn't even smile when I asked if he wanted to have a happy meal for lunch!

I'm so sad and full of guilt. How is he THIS sad, and I haven't seen it? He's been doing things that are uncharacteristic of him, but we just assumed he was testing his boundaries. I've never seen a child full of such sadness. His tears haven't been in fits or tantrums, just slow rolling tears down his face. I'm hoping when school starts he'll make friends. (I'm hoping when school starts that I'll make friends). I know that this job and promotion were good things for our family in the long run, but right now I just feel like we've failed our son. He misses his friends. He misses his family. And I miss my happy, carefree boy.

Slip Slidin' Away

It has gotten extremely HOT lately. The weather is hot, humid and WHEW. While I love that it's warm out, poor Tate is on the verge of melting wen we step outside (and let's face it- I'm right there with him). We've been trying to have as much fun as possible while staying as cool as possible in the midst of it all.

We found out about a place called the "splash pad" that offers a FREE fun place for the kids to run around and get wet! It's really cool and I'm admittedly jealous that they didn't have anything like it when I was a kid.
Please note, rear end in polkadot bikini, does NOT belong to me : )

On Tuesday we took the boys to the pool and Connor was back to swimming like a fish in no time! Tate loved the water too! I think he REALLY loved being able to take his helmet off and splash around.

Today it was another scorcher so I put out the slip 'n' slide for the first time. Tate wasn't slipping or sliding but he was having fun! Connor was slipping AND sliding and also having fun! Tate was worn out and has been sleeping for 30 minutes. Connor insists he's not tired, but I've caught him yawning about 5 times!

Tate "NO".

I think we're in trouble.

STOP. PRAY.

STOP everything you're doing and PRAY. NOW. PRAY. This is not a suggestion. What are you praying for? I'll tell you what I'm waiting for: A miracle.

I want to tell you about an amazing little boy who is part of an amazing family.

Jacob is a 4 year old little boy who was diagnosed a couple of years ago with pulmonary hypertension. To put it in basic terms, the blood pressure in his lungs is way too high. He wears a backpack 24 hours a day that acts as a continuous pump of medicine, etc to his heart. In short, it keeps him alive.

Every 10-12 months Jacob goes in for a heart catheterization. This is done for diagnostic purposes to let the doctors know how things are going internally with Jacob. In the past he's had issues with the anesthesia, this combined with being a heart/lung patient makes things more complicated.

On Monday he went in for a heart cath and there were complications afterwards. The doctors could not get the cath site to stop bleeding. Four year old Jacob has been on life support since. He's undergone blood transfusions, and while there was a short time where things were looking up, things have taken a turn for the worse.

His body is retaining fluid and causing swelling. They've begun a mini dialysis on him as well as implanting a port to act as a drain. They cannot get his body to stop retaining fluids, nor can his blood clot and stop bleeding. He's being given a constant flow of blood products to get things under control as he's losing body fluids through nearly every opening.

He's continues to remain on life support still and things are not looking good. The one positive sign is that he is squeezing his mother's finger when she talks to him and showing some signs of response when the doctors agitate him.

As I said, he's from an amazing family. Dana & AJ waited a LONG time before they were FINALLY blessed with the birth of their first child, Jacob. Jacob also has a brother that is roughly a year younger than him, his name is Sammy. AJ is in the Army, stationed at Ft. Campbell. He came home last weekend on R&R from his deployment. It is a miracle in itself that he is home right now, as he's missed several procedures in the past due to deployments. Dana is a strong Christian woman, full of amazing faith and heart. She's inspiring and beautiful inside and out. She's a kind friend and knowing their family is a privilege.

PRAY HARD for a miracle for this baby. He IS a baby, only four years old and fighting for his life. Stop what you're doing. Stop and pray. Pray for a complete and miraculous healing.

It's nearly 1a.m and I'm listening to the quiet of my house. Well, maybe that's not entirely true. I mean, the tv is on keeping me company. As is Tate's baby monitor, quietly humming it's static sound. Then there's my snoring husband next to me.... but, as far as this house goes, this is quiet.

I'm thinking about my boys and my life and how it has all changed so much over the years. The past few months have been difficult, and it's possible that more difficulties are in our midst, but the truth is, I'm very blessed. I have so much love for my boys. I thank God for them, I thank God for trusting me with them. I pray I am worthy of receiving the blessing that they are. Here's some pictures of life with the boys recently, from Tate's first spaghetti to playing miniature golf to Tate standing to Lowe's Build & Grow clinic to our trip to Adventure Science Center.

Connor

Connor is FINALLY back in to the swing of things with soccer. Today we had our first game in a month. His game on 4/24 was stormed out with severe weather. Then, on 5/1 the flood hit and the entire soccer complex was under about 7ft of water. Until this point there were no fields that were playable. Now, only one of the fields is currently playable so we played at a different location today. Gabe had to miss the game due to this little thing he calls his "job" so I videoed what I could while dealing with a very unhappy and not feeling well Tater. Enjoy! (ps- sorry if this makes you motion sick!)

Sorry the quality isn't better on the video. I'm trying to change it for you.

I'm sorry for the lack of blogging. I've been under the weather with some sort of perma-cold that just won't go away completely! We've had a bunch of interesting things going on here and I'll do my best to catch everyone up on things in our life in the next few days. But since the last video was such a hit, here's two different videos of Tate. Tate who is now a puller upper! Just see for yourself!


Part 1



Part 2

Talkative Tater

Tate has started to jabber.... a lot. He gave me an earful during bath time tonight. (Turn up your speakers)!

Zooper Day

On Wednesday we headed down to Vandy to visit with the CFS regarding Tate's plagiocephally. The appointment went extremely well and the doctor noted that he is definitely showing improvement with his helmet! We were sent to the orthotist for adjustments and tweaking and sent on our merry way!

We enjoyed a picnic lunch of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and some other yummies while we drove to one of Nashville's hidden treasures: Las Paletas! We stopped and had 3 of the most delicious popsicles ever made! Connor got a creamy chocolate chocolate chip. Gabe got adventurous and had a pineapple chili popsicle, (His quote of the day: "I've never eaten something frozen that made my mouth and tongue burn from heat!") and Tate I got a canteloupe popsicle! Tate had no problem helping himself, and I believe he ate more of the popsicle than I did!

 Sweet Canteloupe Face!

After the popsicles we headed to the zoo, where we are now members! We had a blast as a family and it was one of the best days I can remember having. Both boys were well behaved and I know we were making all sorts of memories! Connor woke up this morning asking if we could go back today. I think it was a successful trip!

To view all of our pictures go here.